Holding my ground (or maybe not)

I did some writing Sunday! But it includes the margin notes "this is [crap]" and "need synonyms for growing brighter" and what should eventually be three paragraphs are currently three sentence fragments.

I thought about spinning a bit of fiction to relay my current state of mind. It was something along the lines of a woman singing on stage and being directed to hold the last long note of a performance for longer than she ever has before, an act that taxes her oxygen reserves.

That vignette hasn't been written because I can't give it an ending that would satisfy me or the reader. Trying to tack one on would stir up too much bitter sediment in my mind.

Typically, a Marine in my husband's situation would have known nineteen days before graduation where said Marine and his family would be stationed. (Nineteen is an unscientific number, but not an unreasonable one, from what I've gathered third hand.) That nineteen day benchmark was twenty three days ago.

Correct. Reagan graduated from his last bit of training last Friday, and high command has not told him where we will be spending the next five or so years of our lives.

I should be moving right now. Well, not quite. I should be having a few days alone with my husband in a really nice hotel. We should be sipping fruity drinks made with sake right now at Ra. I should be eating sushi, not mashed potatoes and spinach. I should be picking up the keys to our new apartment tomorrow. I should be moving on Thursday. I should be at a flea market on Saturday, picking out a neat lamp or end table.

Instead, I'm with my parents again, spending 20+ hours a day in my room, a majority of them on a computer. Frittering. I have things to do, reasons to do them, just no energy or concentration to get them done.

So in case anyone was wondering...

No, I don't know where Reagan will be stationed.
No, I don't know when he's coming back.
No, I don't know when I will know either of those things.



As much as things suck/are non existent right now, I still wish I was journaling more. But can't find the energy.