askme, again

part of an ask metafilter question

How can I force myself to love something I naturally do not?

I realize "learn" is a probably a better word than "force".


PROBLEM
There are many things in life I wish I could enjoy -- (certain) people, sports, dancing, university classes, foods, etc, but for whatever reason, I do not. I love computer programming, my friend loves working out. And there's no middle ground between these two...

my reply

I notice three things about your examples.
- community
- immersion
- time limited

((#3 might be less of an issue with the Polynesian diet, but unless you thought you might live there forever, it still counts as a contributing factor.))

Community - you want to connect with people. The want for that is bigger than your dislike for X, so you ignore the dislike and focus on how it will bring you closer to others. Find how to see your other activities through this lens, and pay attention to it. This may be a specific group of people, like a writers' group, or it may be an abstract one that you're just trying to share headspace with.

Immersion - similar to community, you couldn't get away from the food in the South Pacific or screens playing soccer in the world cup. You had to adapt or be miserable. Find ways to fake the immersion.

Time Limited - This, I think, is key. Living in the South Pacific had an end. Enduring World Cup frenzy had an end. In contrast, The Seinfeld Method has no end. The things you want to learn have no "end". This brings all kinds of psychological trickery into play. There's greater risk because, if you fail, you have to start all over, and you're not willing to give up. Because there's no deadline, you think "sooner I start, the better", but also "what does it matter if I put it off?"

My suggestion: Give yourself permission to not pursue something you're interested in. Spend a limited period of time "forcing" yourself to enjoy/appreciate something you want to like. If by the end of that time period, say, 90 days, you don't enjoy the person/activity, spend the next 180 days accepting that you don't enjoy it. Then try again... or not!

One final thing to try: find articulate people who like the thing you're trying to love, and talk with them about their passion for the subject. I find enthusiasm incredibly contagious, and it's normally fun to catch.