Two weeks

Day 14!

Three neat little victories today, two directly related to my self-challenge, the third only tangentially so.

1) I did yoga "on time".
2) Closed some tabs even though it was after noon.
3) did some drawing while a friend was over.

The third is the strongest victory for me. (And now I'm doing actual post writing while said friend is still here!) Never before have I taken it upon myself to relax enough around someone else that I'll draw more than wiggly doodles. The "plan" is to gain confidence to do this more often, and eventually around people other than my closest friends. :)

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Today I thought that I would go back to the first few posts, pull out key words or phrases, and evaluate how I've followed through with them. Looking back at those posts, primarily this one from the first day, I experience an odd, out-of-self feeling. I'm listening to myself in the past, but the not-to-distant past. Maybe the better term is "duplicate self", as memories of that day are still clear in my mind, still lively. They bubble to the surface as I read the words from that day, quite different from the memories I recall from many months and years past. (And I take a short recess to do just that.)

While I've never been uncomfortable speaking my mind here on the internet (where values of 'speaking my mind' are equal to being introspective and rarely shying away from personal things unless they involve other people), it's so strange to see myself spread out like I do when reading old entries. Thousands of times I've opened the pages of the internet to a clean sheet and trickled my thoughts through my fingers. Thousands of limited copies of myself, expressing the moment, the "now" that is "then". Baffling. Older selves are so alien to my current perspective. All the days and hours I've piled atop that time have squashed it flat, and I can tell it's a me-that-was.

To compare now to the me-that-was fourteen days ago, when I started this project...

... I actually have very little to say. In the past couple days I've mentioned small alterations that have happened, and tiny problems with this process, but the bulk remains unchanged.

I took a walk that was supposed to revitalize my thought process, but now everything just feels flat and lame. Banging my head against the keys won't help, so I'll wrap up with some recent scans and try to be interesting tomorrow.




I need a better method for scanning stuff in a hardbound sketchbook. Or to not draw so close to the binding.