Headfake
Wow, it's been a long day. I'm reasonably happy with what I've accomplished. It's 6am, but I woke up much later than usual, so I think I'll stay up a little longer.
I had a particular planning rug yanked out from under me today, and during the ensuing fall I probably passed through most of the 5 stages of grief. There was certainly a hunger fueled period of acute mourning. Later there came the internalizing of the concept of accepting things that I cannot change. Even though I know what direction I'm facing, and even though I know I'll have to run (this is a race metaphor, not a leaving literalism), there is an indefinite period of time before the starting gun will report.
I don't know when the race begins; I don't know how long the race is. Infinite limbo. But I'm beginning to accept these facts and turning my attention to surviving the present. Maybe a philosophy of living every day as my last would serve me well.
Tonight's headfake is brought to you by West Wing season 3. A journalist who was pulled out of Myanmar after the Burmese government put a bounty on his head is put into the White House press room. After a couple short conversations with the Press Secretary, the journalist tells her that he hates reporting on the White House because it's all gossip, stenography, and the worst parts of politics. He expresses a viewpoint that completely belittles the Press Secretary and her world (without being condescending). For a moment you see the Press Secretary see herself and her situation from the outside and agree with the journalist's view, then she goes back to work.
Seeing yourself from the outside as inconsequential... then going back without changing anything. But one person's inside is another person's outside. The Press Secretary and the journalist live in adjacent realities with differing values. The whole world is like this.
A struggle I see in my generation is accepting that truth, and defining our individual values and realities. I've always thought that one of my strengths was the ability to see situations from different viewpoints and understand that the facts I'm presented with are leaving out valid details. But constant exposure and willingness to tolerate, even try to understand, things I don't believe or agree with wears me down. Once I realize I'm not on the same page as Person X I'm in a discussion with, I feel the foundation for conversation is undermined and we need to either bridge that gap by finding common ground to work with, or change the subject. When there isn't common ground of any kind, I'm mentally always scrambling for footing. That's the exhausting part.
Am I supposed to just assume that Person X has information similar to mind and plow ahead until running into an undeniable problem? To me that feels like building on sand just because it looks level.
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