Determination

I am shocked and dismayed at how long I have left my blog unattended. It will take much effort, but I am determined to get back into the habit of posting daily (or nearly daily on the occasions I go out of town).

Things are bumpy, but not really hard, like those egg-carton foam pads. I can tell when my life is going through some kind of upheaval because I go on a spree of organization, as though sorting out physical thing will mean I'm sorting out mental and temporal matters.

Yesterday I was emptying every box and bag I could get my hands on, as though one of them contained the bit of self or the bit of truth I feel is missing right now. I did find my checkbook and the remote control to my slr camera.

Another analogy I came up with: my methods are like trying to solve a rubix cube, I'm only willing to stash a box away when there is a certain purity of contents. ALL dvds, or ALL Reagan's clothes, or ALL a certain type of scrap fabric.

I'm kicking my own butt right now for failing to remember how good for me it is to write like this. Even though I still type on a regular basis and email my husband a couple times a day, the rigors of communicating in that way are less strenuous than what I demand of myself in this text box.

Also, since a previous, abandoned post hinted at problems I've been having with my brain lately, I'm eager to run it hard in hopes that it's just out of shape.