Better and better

I'd like to unequivocally state that every day brings improvement in body and mind, but my eyes have been bothering me recently. I really should have them looked at by a professional, but in a matter of months I'll have insurance, so can't I wait?

At least my leg is getting better and my time more productive. Still mostly trapped in my room(s).

Right now I'm actually in my childhood room. The only things vaguely familiar are the angles of architecture and the bookcase at the wall. And the doors. The doors are the same.

The carpet is new, the paint is new, the shutters are new, and the contents do not say "girl's room". There's a treadmill, a home gym, and a large TV. The only bed is an inflatable one, and it is cozy in it's box.

I've made my mark here, lightly in the first few months of my tenure at home as a married woman: an item of luggage that wouldn't fit in the other closet. A "beanbag" made of old sheets, packing peanuts, and bubble wrap. Reagan and I occasionally eat dinner together in this room and watch something on TV, and that results in cloth napkins seeping into the pile of pillows and quilts that accompany the ghetto beanbag.

Since I've installed myself, sketchbooks and prescription bottles have taken up residence. My laptop is here, even when I'm not, and the stack of DVDs by the TV gets taller day by day. There has also been an explosion in the napkin population. I think they're breeding. Some dishes, a pair of socks, a pack of my favorite candy, a towel, a second lamp. My polaroid camera.

Once again I wonder what would happen if I expired here and a crack team of forensics lab rats came through to examine my life by what I left behind. Normally it's a question that I pass off without too much thought, but it seems different here and now. No furniture to speak of. A "Read & Grow" Picture Bible used as a lapdesk. Some episode of West Wing on pause on the TV. It's been on pause for a few hours now.

This is my old room. This is where I woke up every morning for 13 years of school, but that doesn't show anymore. The childhood that lingers is in the baby things assembled for my niece.

It's been a good day, but thinking so much about my surroundings, I want to get away. I'll wind down with taking this episode of West Wing off pause and doodling myself to sleep. Or at least utter tiredness, then find my husband and cuddle myself to the Land of Nod.



I hope to write about music tomorrow.