carried between my shoulders
(I love that line, I need to remember it and ingrain it in my mind.)
I drew nothing today. It's only (only?!) midnight, but I haven't drawn anything. I haven't even doodled in that book of "things I draw as soon as I wake up in the morning". That makes me especially sad.
The tenseness I'm carrying between my shoulders is in part due to the frittering of a Sunday, but a lot of it is related to listening to a debate on health care. Besides tearing my emotional mind from my philosophical mind, the arguments made by the panelists got me thinking about the larger ideas of structures and governments and economies and nations, which is weighty and complex.
I've been thinking a great deal about paradoxes, contradictions and, utopia lately.
But it's not good for me. I need to draw more.
posted by annie @ 11:52 PM
2 Comments
2 Comments:
This made me recall; I spent a lot of time, probably most of my twenties, carrying that Utopia idea around as a kind of reference point, or reference ground. I think Marge Piercy's 'Woman on the Edge of Time' which was a bit of a cult book when I was a student and beyond, started it, then there were others, Ursula le Guin, William Morris...
I don't know if it was a good dream, it seemed to help, and I don't know when I woke from it, I suppose it was slowly, but now it's something I can't relate to at all. Utopianism seems hopeless, irrelevant, even dangerous. But it's a dream people keep on dreaming, regardless of all historical experience...
When I think about it, I don't really call it "utopia" in my mind, I call it "the promised land", and I liken myself to Moses, not because I'm a leader, but because I can't go there.
I hear "peace love and tolerance", and I'm just not enthusiastic about it. Not because I don't like the ideas, or I don't strive for them in my own life, but under most circumstances I can't stand telling other people that they're living wrong.
I've decided that my central struggle in life right now is the conflict inherent in believing that individual attention is the best way to treat humans, and also the least efficient way.
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