Off-schedule

I don't know how I settled into going to sleep in the early evening the past couple days, but there it is. The upside is a solid six hours of daylight of being alone and drawing (after I wake up).

Reagan dragged me to the bookstore this afternoon even though I was fairly tired, and as a result I spent much of the time feeling overstimulated. All in all it wasn't a bad outing, but once again I was drawn to Artful Blogging in the periodicals section. Take a moment to ponder that feedback loop.

Flipping through it and skimming some of the features I felt a crazy mix of emotions, from jealousy and frustration to awe and inspiration. But I admit that the feelings settled (as they so frequently have in the past couple days) at the negative end of the spectrum. The more I ponder it, the more it seems like a terrible faux pas to admit on a public, online journal that I wish I could cultivate friends or at least repeat acquaintances in this backlit window to the world. If I did say so, wouldn't it smell desperate? And if someone on the fence about me comes around and reads such a desire? Well, stepping outside myself a moment and reading the preview... this paragraph is a bit too disconnected to make a lot of sense out of.

I was hoping this post, after a day missed and after a string of uninspired (text-wise) updates, would be intelligent and thoughtful and worth reading, but I was unable to squirm out from under the great weight that is my own self-reflection. Pity I like this simple format so much, else I'd remove myself from this iteration and reinvent the blog "just because". But, oh, those strange priorities. It is somehow important to me to wear my mind on my sleeve.

As long as I wear my sketches there, too!



I'm going to try to re-mission in the next few days.