True zero

I'm astoundingly upset about a TV show, so I'm trying to distract myself with posting.

Today I finally reached the true and absolute bottom of my blog to-read list. At it's worst, when I sat down, the oldest posts were only 6 days old, but it was--is--still an accomplishment to see no bracketed numbers in the title of my gReader tab.

I've done a little light drawing, and a little less-than-light reading, finally diving into Midnight's Children. I've also done a fair bit of walking around and talking with Reagan about things I want to do in the future.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about being trapped in my own reality where a lot of human things don't really make sense. Habits as simple as eating, simple biological things, are tweaked in my head to seem alien. Sometimes I feel far outside my own head and skin and consider other people within themselves and it blows my mind.

Something else that's been on my mind is the number of friends I have in a state of "normal living". A stage has been reached where school is no longer a driving force, and now there's this whole adult world of freedom and work and having to make choices on how to fill the empty hours, whether to make use of them or simply spend them existing.

I have a hard time getting into that mindset of not having projects, not working towards something, not looking forward to something on a personal path. Maybe these friends are moving in their own ways, hidden or unrecognizable to me. But I try to think of myself in that kind of drifting limbo and can't really grasp it. Other kinds of drifting limbo permeate my life, but I can't remember the last time I wasn't working on a personal project of some kind.

Maybe my head is simply muddled by the hours and confusions I pile upon it.



I love this page.